Isand Schwartz is a God. His slender muscular physique is incomparable, and often leaves girls drawling when they gaze at his sparkling chiselled abs. His beauty is unequivocal and leaves all men behind him in a purge of unworthiness. Even the armani model lookalike Chris Spain has nothing on this sexy hunk. Legends are told of Isand's ability to pull any girl he sets his eyes on. Old folk law has told how he would turn his head to the right exposing a defined cheek line and flutter his eyelids in a slow beat whilst staring down his future mate. Unsurprisingly, it is believed this gaze is irresistible. The young starlet is a huge hit at Ashford Hockey Club for some unknown reasons. he has solidly secured a place in the 3s team. unfairly in many people's opinion.
The result of his position in the 3s has pushed a very talented and easily better player to the bench. Chris Spain can only be described as the Cristiano Ronaldo of hockey. His armani body and slick blonde hair makes him perfect for the sport. Unbeknown to many, chris is a World XI player and often leaves onlookers in awe as he flies across the pitch like a beautific butterfly in all its beauty. People are left in a scene of serenity when Chris plays. The speed at which he flings the ball from side to side and OMFG his v-drags are orgasmic, like losing your virginity for the first time whilst eating a chocolate fudge cake with cream and having a relaxing back massage at the same time. In front of goal Chris is uncontrollable. He could be described as hulk tbh. He's a prolific goalscorer and it could be argued he scores more goals than Matt Clifford scores girls in the clubs. Chris scores incessantly and with consistent ease. One person described Chris' goal scoring ability as matched only by Michael Jackson's ability to continually pound Macauly Culkin like a bareback rider.
However, none of this is noticed and Chris a pure embodiment of human perfection is abandoned and left on the bench, to hide, hide in the shadows of Isand Schwartz. Isand, can only be imagined as a headless chicken powered by a cocktail of crack cocaine and speed with the idea that his family are about to die and are on the other side of the world. His continual mindless running has sent shockwaves through the club and his pace in unattainable for any normal human. Isand is like a gazelle as he canters from 16 to 16, much like a gazelle he does not know how to play hockey at all. However, i think it is that continal desire to run that has seen him become a 3s favourite and continue to keep Chris out the team. The mighty 4s who are known by their opponents as Carter's Cannons, and for some time now, they have been offering solitude to Chris Spain. We as a team have come to love and apppreciate little Chris and he is as much a part of us as our own penises.
There will always be a place for Chris in the mighty 4s and in time it is hoped he will come to fully see the magnificant potential awaiting him in the cannons. As for now though, Chris who understandibly has had to endure a lot of solidarity and abuse has snapped and turned into Chris the "Carnivouros courageous charming covetable Chipmunk" Spain. In this state, he should not be messed with and has already caused destruction, pain and injury to Isand, by ambushing Isand whilst he was skiing. Chris i salute you my fellow comrade, your courage is impalpable and i am not worthy of your presence. We are forever watchful of your mighty wrath. but i say this Chris, you are the sparkle that is non existent in the 4s lives, without your presence there is a hole, a dark black hole, a void that eats at my very being every night, reduces me and my fellow teamates to tears. You are the light that could led us to a new era, a position of unprecedented excellence. We are forever waiting for your return, standing with open arms waiting for your embrace..............
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