It's a hoax!
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The 1996 inanimate objects conclave was held in Ontario, Canada. It was sparked by protests in Vietnam, arguing for rights of inanimate objects. The conclave was run by a panel of inanimate ducks for a fair hearing. It took place during the World Cup to avoid publicity and to keep secret. It short, this conference ended with the decision that inanimate objects have rights also, with the right to perform arrests, buy materials, freedom of speech, and the right to choose a household. Also, the songs "I Will Survive" and "We Didn't Start the Fire" may not be played in the presence of a discolored duck. If an officer sees you performing such criminal acts, they are trained to reprimand you and then beat you until the lesson is learned.
During the summer of 1999, there was a fight between an officer and a bag of Cheetos resulting in the officer being hospitalized and a lawsuit. In the end, the officer received a life sentence for attempted murder of a Cheeto. When he came out and said "The bag isn't even alive!", the crowd gasped and he was immediately looked down upon.
Two years later, a bar fight broke out in Moscow between a Hampton Inn bed and a Nike basketball. It caused controversy because of the severity of the fight and how it should be impossible. The claims that people started it were soon put down and peace was restored.
All we know about the conclave is that it was one of the most intense things ever. Words and gunshots could be heard from outside the building, as the many ducks went at their business. It is now determined that they only watched Monty Python movies during the conclave, and spontaneously wrote the documents, but they are still held to a high standard.
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